Whoever invented archiving of messaging programs such as MSN or Yahoo either needs congratulating or shooting.

It’s handy because you can find what you were talking about with people ages ago and refresh your memory. However not all conversations that I have on said programs I want to remember but yet I keep them and then months later find myself reading them again.

The result? Anger. But also knowledge that I know I was right and that I haven’t gone all psycho crazy bitch for nothing. That is slightly comforting. Slightly. Of course I don’t like being psycho crazy bitch me. She is someone that I could definitely do without but someone that seems to be rearing her head more often lately. (And yes, I am worried that I am referring to myself as ’she’).

I think its because I am watching big brother too much. Watching Nikki throw quite unreasonable tantrums but then manage to get what she wants has inspired me. Maybe if I kick up as much fuss as I can I will actually get what I want? Maybe if I create enough fuss I will get noticed. But I suppose you can only get noticed if someone wants to notice you. And however much you may want someone to notice you, you can’t force them too. Especially if they are too busy noticing someone else.

But no matter what I try to tell myself, I can’t convince me that its not because of me. I know deep down, in my head and my heart that its me that is unwanted. That no matter what excuse is given to me the real reason is because I am not wanted. And probably never will be. And yet I feel guilty for feeling this, for typing it. So fucking what if I offend someone! They have offended me so maybe they should start to realise just how much! How much their treatment of me hurts me. So yes, maybe I should stop talking in riddles and come out with it and say that I am angry and pissed off and hurt and demand that I am treated better in the future. Demand that certain people need to have more respect for me and demand that for one my feelings should be taken into account.

Yes, I know we should all concentrate on making ourselves happy. But I don’t know how to anymore. I have spent so long trying to make those around me happy that  I forgot how to do it for myself a long time ago. All I wanted was for one person to help make me happy. To put a smile on my face and to make me laugh. But he has noticed someone else.

And what makes me even more angry is that it has made me start writing posts like this again!

First of all, before I carry on I want you all to know that this post is not directed at anyone that reads this blog – or for once my family, hehe.

No, this is about… an acquaintance. I really don’t know him well enough to class him as a friend. He recently graduated and every time I speak to him he has something negative to say. He is finding it hard to get a job. And in the process is blaming this on everyone but himself.

 First off, he has been job hunting for around a month now… but he hasn’t even done a CV yet. Secondly he keeps complaining that the university he went to was crap because they didn’t offer careers advice. However, what he means by this is that they didn’t hand it to him on a plate. Any person at university should be smart enough to know that its YOUR career and YOU are the one that should be going to find the advice needed and not assume someone is going to throw the dream job into your lap.

Also, he has heard from friends that the careers advice service at the university is poor, mainly because they try to get you into large multinational companies when not everyone wants that – that’s fine, not everyone does but all you have to do is tell them this and they will tell you of the best places to look for jobs you may be interested in. The reason universities push jobs in MN’s is because these companies approach them with jobs that need filling with seemingly bright and intelligent new graduates… so on the word of one or two people he decided not to go to the careers service to see what it does have to offer… yet he still complains about it.

People that complain about the world being against them and having no opportunities given them really really piss me off. If you want an opportunity go and find it! Don’t expect to be handed your life on a plate because 9 times out of 10 it wont be. Especially when you have done a degree in something that is hard to get a career in and that you don’t actually want a career in (as this person has). And no, his opinion on his career choice was the same at the start of the degree, so basically he did the degree for nothing.

 I wonder who he is going to blame that one on.

Grr! I so can’t wait until the weekend when I get to go home for Christmas. My flatmates are getting even more annoying by the day. Well… one in particular, the rest have their faults but no one, including me (yes I know this) is perfect.

The latest me wanting to kill her started on Monday when we all went out for her birthday. Her boyfriend and another flatmates boyfriend came down to celebrate with us. We all went out having a good time until she decides to have some fun. She seems to find it funny to start on people, just random people and not just girls, blokes too. What she doesn’t understand though is if she starts on the wrong person, male or female they will knock her down (at best) without even flinching. She did this on Monday and the guy she did it to was getting right pissed off. her boyfriend rightly or not stuck up for her which nearly initiated a huge fight.

I managed to get the random guy to walk away, I took him to the bar and bought him a drink and apologised. I was chatting to him for about 10 minutes to try and get him to leave it and he was being really nice to me and apologised to me. Anyway, I managed to get him to go back to his friends and he gave me a hug and we went back to our respective groups all happy, or so I thought. About half an hour later I had gone to the loo and come back and everyone had moved, at first i thought nothing of it as they had probably just gone bar so I went to have a look. But no, I found my 2 flat mates and their boyfriends in am empty room bit in the club all arguing with each other. Apparently she had gone and started on this guy again but this time my other flatmate and the two boyfriends had gotten pissed of with her for doing it. Anyway we all left a few minutes later and for the rest of the night my until about 7 in the morning they were all shouting at each other having arguments and god knows what else… I could go on for ages but on to tonight….

She is a film student, she had to shoot a video today, blah blah blah.. it involved candles. Candles and carpet don’t mix.

You can’t really see it on that picture but the carpet is burnt right through at one point. This more or less means that come the time we move out the halls will charge us to replace the whole carpet. She hasn’t even shown that she is even slightly sorry and because it is in the hall way (a communal flat area) we will all get charged for it. They don’t ask questions about who did what they just take it out of everyone’s deposits. OK this might only work out at say £50 each but its still fecking annoying. She doesn’t care because her daddy pays her rent and deposits and fees and does shopping for her and buys her what she wants and gives her more money when she has spent all her student loan on clothes in the first week!

She just doesn’t care about anything outside her little world. Everything is about her and if you aren’t paying her attention for 5 minutes she will go out of her way to get attention.

grrr! OK rant over now. Sorry, I needed to get that off my chest. Better on here than doing something I might regret.

And I’m nice too (honest) wouldn’t normally have a bad word to say about a soul. …just…

GRRRRRRR!

Not many things annoy me about my flatmates. Of course there are the silly things like them not tidying up and doing their dishes but nothing major, apart from one thing.

The other two girls in the flat have very (for want of a better word) immature attitudes when it comes to a lot of areas specifically relationships.

They both have quite serious boyfriends but both treat them like crap. They find any excuse they can to have a fight with them and don’t at all trust them. Their boyfriends also, in some ways quite rightly (one has cheated on him twice, the other is currently at this minute cheating on hers)don’t trust them either.

The girls have definite double standards though. If their boyfriends even say hi to another girl they get jealous but then if they do it and their boyfriends say something they get angry and have a go at them for doing it.
Read the rest of this entry »

I have decided that “text speak” outside of actual text messages should be made illegal.

I have been going to New Student for a while now. Its nice to be able to share in the excitment of getting ready to go to uni.

However, 3/4’s of the posts on the forums are in extreme text speak, for example this is what someone posted not too long ago:

hiya wassup y’all?hop y’all gud n wish u all get in2 da uni’s u want!!!so wotz it like so i can getr prepared 4 it coz datz where im headin nxt yr hopfully!!!!Lol

I had to read this a couple of times to actually fully understand what the poster was saying.

After he posted this a huge argument started (not involving me by the way)about the use of text speak outside of text messaging.

Many people agree that its alright for texting amoung friends but in general you should make the “effort” to type normally. I would actually find it harder to constantly type in text speak as I would be needing to think about how I was going to shorten something.

One girl that commented on the thread openly admitted that she has a hard time stopping herself from writing in text speak and has the auto correct function on word set so that it re-writes her spelling.

This surely can’t be good if you are sitting exams though and isn’t going to look very good if you start writing in text speak in one. I can imagine an examiner would just fail the student.

At school, it was rammed into our heads about the importance of spelling correctly in exams and that you would get marked down. And that was just from writing “desided” instead of “decided”. I would hate to think what an examiner would think if they came accross “dat” or “2morrow”.

Hell, I am nowhere near the worlds best speller, I can be crap at times but at least you can understand me… I hope.

Last Tuesday we put our bin by the roadside for the weekly collection but for some reason it was not emptied. We rang the council up but becuase it was quite late (almost 5pm) they said they wouldn’t be able to come out and pick it up then but would add it to a round later on in the week. They said we didn’t need to leave it by the roadside, just in view in the front garden, fair enough we thought.

They didn’t come and we had to make a couple of trips to the local tip during the week to get rid of the extra rubbish.

So Tuesday comes again and we put the bin out, surely it can’t happen twice in a row?

I watched them as they came in the close, they walked straight past our bin and also missed a couple of others.

Corby council have a policy where if the lid is overfull (the lid is not fully closed) they will not empty it. Our lid however was completly closed, it was last week aswell.

We have been waiting crist knows how long for another bin as becuase my dad is disabled apparently we are entitled to have two. It is surprising how much extra rubbish we get from my dad being paralysed. So we have been waiting over 6 months (probably closer to a year) now with regular calls to the relevant department in the council and still we are waiting.

Anyone that has read this for a while will know my dad says what he thinks so he was straight on the phone and gave the man that answered a right earfull. He would not belive my dad that the bin had been “missed” and said it must be overfull, which it deffinatly is not.

The man said he would contact the truck and get them to come back and “assess” the bin. I have just been out and it deffinatly is closed and isn’t over heavy. Put it this way if my mum (she put it out this morning) can move it then some early 30’s men certianly can! And if they can’t they shouldn’t be doing the job in the first place!

So now we are wating for the truck to come back.

This is what happens when things are privatised. Services that were working perfectly for years go down the drain in a flicker.